This ... I dunno.

[brinkoftwilight]

I heard a story again today that I'd heard before. It's pretty sad, about some friends that went around together a lot, but then drifted apart because most of them only wanted to become stronger while the sixth member, the white mage, wanted to explore.

Of course, as always, it got me thinking.

My first linkshell... I didn't get one until I was learning Sneak Attack. I'd only just begun to grasp the concept and was completely inept at it. Someone (I can't remember his name. I'm ashamed. I have it written down, though, and I know where it's written) offered me a linkshell and I accepted, excited. Of course, the first thing I did was promptly tell my party "Hello!" and felt... silly. ^^; HolliesGuardians. That was my only linkshell for a very long time. I was quiet (of course, I always am), but just listening to them talk was really something to me. When Saito and Nabiki's linkshell group finally died (after trying to start again for the third time?), Nabi started JenovaProject, and I was given a linkpearl. We were the only people in it for a while, and Saito basically retired in Windurst and Nabiki got a new linkshell, so JP was tossed into storage, and I remained in HG. ...I... don't know why, but... At some point, that linkshell died. It was pretty sudden. A lot of people were on, and then, literally the next day, no one was. I saw one person a few weeks later, and then... no one. I finally gave up after over a month and equipped JP - Nabiki upgraded my pearl to a pearlsack. I put my HG linkpearl into storage, where it remains today. I can't bring myself to throw it out, even though I don't know if anyone else out there has a pearl to it anymore.

JP was, for a long, long time, me, Nabiki, and her friend, Ziedrich. Zied disappeared a while ago.

Once Ziedrich quit it was just the two of us and, really, only me, as Nabiki had another linkshell. Occasionally, someone would pop in for a day or two, usually leaving again for a larger linkshell... I mean, Saito had one, but he didn't spend a lot of time talking to us Adventurers, and Ayarei had one, but she was still pretty new to everything and spent a lot of time doing I-don't-know-what.

When we met Aniko, I of course gave her a linkpearl (now pearlsack) for JP, and at some point, Nabiki started hanging out in JP. We had a few more people shuffle in and out for a while, but we seemed to have settled down into a group of five. Four, mostly, but the fifth member still dropped in frequently enough for me to count him. Personally, while I'd like a few more people in it, I like having a smaller linkshell, close knit.

I don't see him anymore, though, that fifth member.

You know, for a long time, I would do what that White Mage does. I would narrate into the linkshell what I was doing as I went along.

I've been here, San d'Oria, and Adventurer, for a long time. Over a year. I'm not very strong. I don't spend a lot of time in parties. The only time I've gone on a "must be stronger" binge was when I was driven by some sort of super-natural force to Promyvion. I couldn't break away from it, so I went out and became stronger so I could find out what was there (and, honestly, I still don't know, but the grip it had on me isn't as strong now...) I hated it, the power-binge.

Aniko... she only came here a few months ago. She's already almost twice as strong as I am, but... A lot of things she does make me think she's had almost no experience as a Adventurer. I... don't know. We were actually going to work together on our subjobs, but now she's past me by too much... Nabiki and I can't really play together. Well, actually, we could. Nabiki's main, Dark Knight, is really strong, but she has some other skills that are about on par with mine.


I mean... It's all well and good if strength is your thing, but... it's not mine, and I... get really sad when I look around and realize I've been left completely behind by my ... friends. I don't really have anyone I can talk to a lot, and I don't have anyone I can go exploring with. I mean, I could go with Aniko, but... I don't want to go somewhere and just watch her kill things. I like the mild danger in exploring, and it's more fun that way, I think, with a hint of... you know, adventure.

I don't like getting attacked, I mean, but I like going someplace where, were I to be attacked, it could cause problems, as long as they weren't too major, and I'm always prepared when I do go into those areas.


I mean, I invited Aniko into our linkshell so I could have someone to explore and goof off with, but all she wants to do is become stronger.

I guess I just relate to the White Mage in the story.

I've written down in this little notebook I keep with me the names of everyone I'd had major interaction with. Partying, or someone I've helped out, or someone who may have helped me... I don't forget people - if I see a name, if I've interacted with them before, I'll recognize it. I can still name a lot of people in my original linkshell, though I don't think any of them remember or even knew about me.

I guess I'm just feeling like a lonely little Mithra? I suppose I've lost my point now, so I may as well shut up...



Did that make any sense?


~Hisime

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